Ever After
by MuslimBarbie
Summary: Zuko and Katara's married years, because happily ever after is vastly over-rated. --Four parts, complete--
1. Part One

**Title**: Ever After  
**Summary**: Zuko and Katara's married years, because happily ever after is vastly over rated.  
**Coupling**: Zuko/Katara, obviously.  
**Genre**: Angst/Romance  
**Rating**: M/R  
**Warnings:** Language, character death, slight sexual content.  
**Disclaimer**: If I owned it, it would have been canon. The song belongs to Hinder.  
**Slight AU Note**: Iroh became Fire Lord before Zuko, because I do not believe Zuko was prepared to rule the nation when the war ended. Everything else is canon.

* * *

_I just wanna be alone tonight  
I just wanna take a little breather  
Cause lately all we do is fight  
And every time it cuts me deeper  
Cause something's changed_  
**Without You – Hinder**

**--Part One--**

It was the one year anniversary of Fire Lord Zuko's reign on the throne, the mark of ten years of peace, and he was supposed to be happy, celebrating, on top of the fucking world. It was everything he had ever dreamed of. But Zuko had never felt so miserable in his life.

It had never quite clicked in his head that the start of one Fire Lord's reign meant the end of another's - one could only take the throne once their predecessor had passed it down. It had never quite clicked in Zuko's head that he could only take the throne when Iroh passed it on to him. Once _Iroh_ passed on. So as far as he could see it, one year of his reign was nothing more than the one year mark of his Uncle's death.

So on that day, he cut himself off from everyone as much as he could. He needed to be alone. He didn't want to hear the same old blabber coming out of everyone's mouth, didn't want to hear everyone's constant praise for his one year reign, didn't want to hear the underlying meaning of their words: _Congratulations Fire Lord Zuko, you didn't completely screw up everything your Uncle did._ Because that was all he really had to do – his uncle had brought the Fire Nation back to its feet and taught a nation that had lived on bloodshed the ways of peace – all Zuko had to do was not screw it up now.

Today, he decided, shouldn't be a day of celebrating. It should be one mourning the best Fire Lord, the best man, the Nation would ever know.

A knock interrupted his thoughts. "Fire Lord Zuko," a servant spoke through closed doors, "Are you in need of assistance? Fire Lady Katara is ready."

"I am fine, but please let the Fire Lady know I will be out momentarily."

"Yes, your Highness."

Zuko let out a soft sigh and glanced at the full bottle of liquor in his hand. It was only the risk of someone smelling the alcohol on his breath that stopped him. Shaking his head, he put the bottle into the bottom drawer of his desk. It would still be there when the celebration ended. He'd probably need it more then, Zuko realized as he put the crown on his top knot.

---

_The night after his coronation, Zuko couldn't sleep. Every time his eyes closed, he would see his uncle. So finally, when he was unable to take anymore, he crept out of bed. He almost expected Katara to wake, but was thankful when she didn't. His eyes glazed over her face and a frown tugged at his mouth; her lips were pressed together and she was fidgeting slightly, possibly from a nightmare. Instinctively, he reached out to her, but stopped before his hand could brush against her cheek. If she woke, he realized, he wouldn't be able to leave; she would want him to stay, she would want to talk and he wasn't ready for that. Not yet._

"_I'm sorry, Katara." He whispered, pulling his hand back. _

_And as he escaped from the room, he swore that he heard her cry._

---

By the time Zuko finally made his way to meet Katara, the celebration had already begun, which was perfectly fine by him, the less people he would have to see (Agni, did he hate the small talk).

"Are you alright?" He heard her ask as he took his place beside in front of the door they would enter the ballroom from.

_No._

"Yes." He replied without hesitation. She knew he was lying. He could feel her glancing at him out of the corner of the eye, probably biting on her bottom lip. But she wouldn't press him any further. Not anymore. This he knew all too well. "You look lovely." He added.

There was a slight pause and Zuko heard their introduction begin through closed doors. "Thank you." She mumbled back.

It wasn't _technically_ a lie, he decided as he took Katara's arm in his; she did look lovely, he just didn't have to look at her to know. He assumed that, given the occasion, she would have been dressed up. It was expected for a Fire Lady to look eloquent at any celebration.

Zuko fought back a mental sigh as the doors swung open before them and the couple walked through. There had once been a time when their relationship had been completely different, when he hadn't known she looked lovely because he assumed she would. A time when he hadn't lied to her, not only because he knew that she would know and would get the truth out of him, but because he _hated_ doing it. There had once been a time when Zuko was head over heels in love with his wife.

That had been quite a while ago.

He supposed part of it was his fault, he had shut her out after Iroh's death, but he knew that things had been changing even before then. He didn't know what it was, but as time passed, they began to drift, things began to change. There was no passion in their relationship, no drive like they had once had. He wanted to say it was because their life was so boring, with the same schedule day after day, but somehow, he doubted that was it. Over the years, something had died off leaving nothing but their awkward moments together.

No one knew, of course. No one could know. There was just too much at stake with their marriage. Their relationship was living proof that, even after all of the hate and all of the pointless bloodshed, nations could not only coexist, but they could intermingle. Their marriage, though it had been formed out of love, was a political statement. It was a sign of goodwill and faith in what peace could do – what forgiveness could do. So it became an unsaid agreement between them – in public they would act as if nothing had happened, as if the years had done nothing and they were still the very much in love newlyweds.

No one, not even their closest of friends, could ever know the truth.

---

_Katara found him in his study hours later, a half empty bottle in hand and another empty one abandoned on his desk. It was the first night Zuko had ever drunk more than the glass of wine served with dinner, as he knew Katara was well aware of. _

"_Zuko? Are you alright? I woke up and you were gone."_

"_Go away, Katara." _

_She paused for a moment. "Have…have you been drinking?"_

_He took a deep breath and his fingers tightened around the bottle. "Go back to bed."_

_Katara stepped forward, and Zuko shouldn't have been surprised that her eyes could adjust to the darkness so quickly (she was a Child of the Moon – the night was more of her element he supposed), and grabbed the bottle as well. "I think maybe you've had enough."_

_His eyes narrowed and he tugged the bottle back. "I'm fine."_

"_No, you're not." She pulled the bottle. _

"_Yes, I am." He pulled the bottle back (what was this – a fucking tug-a-war?!)._

"_Zuko, you're drunk!" She snapped._

"_I am not." His fist clenched the bottle tighter causing it to shatter in his hand. "Fuck!" He cursed, pulling his hand back. Before he could think, Katara was beside him, examining his hand. Her lips moved as if she was mumbling, but he couldn't tell what. Her fingers brushed against the glass and Zuko immediately pulled his hand back. "_Fuck_, Katara!"_

_Her eyes narrowed at him. "I have to pull the glass out, Zuko."_

_He glared at her for a moment, before grudgingly holding out his hand again. This was all her fault, he decided, the damn woman didn't know when to back off. His eyes followed her hand, encased with water (where the fuck did she even get that?), as it covered his hand. "This is your fault."_

_Her head shot up. "_What_?!"_

"_None of this would have happened if you had just left when I told you to."_

_She took a deep breath and looked back down at his now healed hand. "I'm going to ignore that because I know that's the alcohol talking."_

"_It's the truth." He snapped back. "I left the room so that I could be alone, not so that you could follow me!"_

"_Excuse me for being _worried_ about you!"_

"_Well don't!" He practically jumped up from his chair, the quick motion causing him to stumble a little. He pushed Katara's hands off when she tried to help him. "I don't need you hovering over every little thing I do, Katara! I can take care of my fucking self!"_

_Blue eyes met his golden ones and his glare didn't back down. It was finally Katara who broke the gaze. "Fine. Have it your way. See if I care anymore." _

_And with that, Katara left. _

_And Zuko let her._

---

"Fire Lord Zuko, Master Katara." Chief Arnook greeted them, a glass of wine in hand.

"Chief Arnook." Zuko nodded in acknowledgement.

"Arnook!" Katara smiled. "I'm so glad that you could make it. How are things in the Northern Water Tribe?"

"All is well. I am still in search of an heir; I'm afraid there may not be much left in this old man." He laughed.

Zuko fought the urge to glare. The topic was vastly unappreciated given the day.

"I'm sure you will find somebody." Katara seemed to sense the tension and changed the subject. "How are you enjoying the celebration?"

"It is spectacular." He took a sip of his wine, his eyes shifting to another corner of the room where guests had gathered to watch a traditional Fire Nation dance. "Although, I must admit that the entertainment is a bit…mature. I don't believe I've seen anything quite like it."

Zuko's eyes narrowed at the older man; he didn't like was the Water Tribe Chief was implying. But before he could even open his mouth the reply, he felt Katara's arm tighten around his, reminding him of where they were.

"Actually Chief Arnook," Katara replied for him, "This particular performance was based off of a dance that originated from the _Northern Water Tribe_ centuries, before they took to their more backward ways. It's actually one of my favorites."

Despite every basic rule of etiquette he had been taught, Zuko smirked.

"Now, I wouldn't say our ways are _backwards_, Master Katara."

"_Fire Lady_ Katara." She corrected.

Arnook glanced from Katara to Zuko and back to Katara before breaking his gaze. "Fire Lady." He nodded slightly. "Forgive me."

Later, once all the guests had been greeted and the celebration had begun to die down, Zuko pulled Katara aside.

"Katara…I…" He took a deep breath and looked down to the floor. "Thank you. For earlier. With Chief Arnook."

There was a slight silence that followed before she spoke. "You don't need to thank me, Zuko. The Fire Nation is my home now too."

He snapped his head up. He supposed he had known that the Fire Nation was technically her home, but to actually hear the words come from her lips was a completely different matter. Yet, her standing in front of him dressed in the deep red robes with the golden fire emblem resting on her top knot, it just seemed right.

"Right." He nodded.

_---_

The hour was late by the time celebration officially ended, but very few actually retired. Most, instead, gathered in groups throughout the palace to continue socializing in a more comfortable environment. Even Katara gathered their old 'Gaang' to a room near their chambers, but it didn't take Zuko long to excuse himself from the group on the pretext that the day's events had finally gotten to him and he was in need of his rest. Any other night he would have loved to catch up with the friends he so rarely saw, but not tonight. So he pretended to retire for the night and instead slipped (_slipped_, not snuck, because Fire Lords did not sneak) into his study.

It was there Katara found him an hour later.

"You're here." Her tone was neutral. Her eyes glanced to the half empty bottle in his hand. "And drunk."

Zuko snorted. "I'm not drunk."

Blue eyes narrowed. "I'm sure."

His eyes narrowed back. "Is there a reason you're here?" He had expected her to spend the rest of the night conversing with their old friends and her Tribe.

"Looking for you, obviously. You weren't there when I went to bed."

"That isn't anything new." He mentally winced, he hadn't meant for that to come out quite so harshly, but it was the truth - he often spent late nights working in his study.

"You shouldn't be working. Not tonight."

Zuko decided against pointing out that there was never a time when a Fire Lord _shouldn't_ be working to better his nation, but decided against it. "I'm not." He wasn't sure whether he actually expected that to dismiss her or if he was just hoping. Either way, she didn't budge.

"You shouldn't be drinking either."

"I told you, I'm fine."

An awkward silence followed. It was the first time in a year that Katara had stepped into his study, and he had a feeling that neither really wanted to repeat what happened the time before. There were several moments where Zuko almost opened his mouth to ask her if she had a particular reason for being there or if she was just trying to be irritating, but he stopped himself. This time he was sober enough to know that the latter was untrue.

"What are you doing, Zuko?" She finally blurted.

He stared at her for a moment. "I would think it obvious."

She almost sighed. "No, I meant _Why_ are you doing it? Do you really think this is what Iroh would have wanted?"

Zuko glared. "Uncle wouldn't want me to forget him."

"I'm not saying he would." She paused for a moment. "Look, Zuko, I may not have known him as long as you, but the Iroh I know wouldn't want you to waste your days cooped up in your study drinking."

"It's not like I do this on a day to day basis."

This time Katara did sigh. "I know _and_ I know this is your way of mourning for him, but there's a difference between remembering someone and hurting yourself. Would you really want Iroh to see you the way you are now?"

He didn't reply, but the answer rang in his head.

_No._

"Moving on doesn't mean forgetting him, Zuko. But Iroh wouldn't want you to live like this, you know that. He would want you to be happy and we both know you're not happy like this."

He stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was being honest or was just trying to get him to stop. Finally he sighed and took another swig of his drink.

"Zuko!" She hissed.

He ignored her and put the cap back on the bottle before putting it back into the bottom drawer of his desk. Taking a deep breath, he stood up from his seat. "It's late Katara, let's go back to bed."

A smile brushed across her lips and she nodded.

---

The next morning Zuko woke to a pounding head. Knowing better than to open his eyes, he groaned, rolled over, and buried his face in his pillow. It was on rare mornings like this when he wished the run wouldn't rise so early.

A chuckle reached his ears. "Headache, Zuko?"

He would have glared at her if it hadn't meant lifting his head. He settled with grunting instead.

Katara chuckled again (which, mind you, sounded _obnoxiously_ loud at the moment), but, thankfully, she said nothing more; instead he felt her moving closer to his side of the bed. Soon enough, he felt a gentle wave of coolness (that he assumed to be her bending) on either side of his head and the pain faded.

"How's that?"

Zuko lifted his head to look up at her. "A lot better, thanks."

She nodded and her eyes met his. It didn't take long for him to break the gaze, though; he hated seeing her pity. He could only imagine how much of a mess he looked like now.

Katara shifted slightly on the bed so that she wasn't as close and towering above him as much. "Are you okay?"

_Not really._

"Sort of." But he would be. "I think so."

Either she understood what he meant or pretended to (his bet was on the latter, _he _barely got what he was saying), but she seemed content with his answer. She pulled herself off of the bed and straightened her hair.

"I'm going to see if the others are awake yet. The bath's already set, if you want."

It was only then that he noticed she was dressed in her Fire Lady robes and looked as if she had already bathed. A frown tugged at his lips; he was usually the first one up and ready. "What time is it?" He hadn't slept in that much, had he?

"Not late. I woke up early." Katara pulled a top knot into her hair and placed her crown on it. It was improper for a member of the royal family to be seen without their crown, even if it was just to walk from one end of the hall to the next; it was only removed in the privacy of friends and family. "Do you want your breakfast here?"

Zuko shook his head. "I'll be there shortly." With all of the guests still present, it would not be appropriate for him to not be there.

"Alright." She hesitated as if she had something more she wanted to say or do, but shook her head slightly instead, and left the room.

The Fire Lord sighed once she had gone and swung his legs off the side of the bed. And, thankfully, did not stumble on his way to the bath.

---

Zuko decided to make it a point to avoid Arnook for the rest of his stay, but it turned out he had no need. Arnook, "unfortunately," had business he had to attend to in the Northern Water Tribe and had to cut his stay short, which suit Zuko perfectly fine. The less of the old man he had to see, the better. However, seeing as he was the Chief of an ally nation (not to mention of Katara's Sister Tribe), he couldn't avoid going with her to see him off.

They stood on the dock as the crew made their final inspections before they were to leave. "Thank you for your hospitality." He bowed as it was customarily done in the Fire Nation.

Katara smiled a smile that he was fairly sure wasn't real. "Of course, Chief Arnook. Next time you must stay longer." She was lying and they all knew it.

The older man chuckled slightly. "Of course, Lady Katara." He then turned to Zuko and gripped his arm as it was done in the Water Tribes. Zuko returned the gesture, but said nothing. Arnook returned his attention to Katara. "And remember what I said."

Said? It took all of Zuko's restraint to not furrow his brows in confusion and he made a mental note to ask her later.

Katara hesitated for a moment, her eyes meeting Arnook's. "I…I will think about it."

He smiled. "Thank you, Lady Katara." Arnook left the Fire Nation without another word, but even after he left, Zuko couldn't shake the feeling that Arnook's leave hadn't really changed much.

It wouldn't be until later that Zuko would wish he had confronted Arnook right then and there. Peace treaty be damned (not that he would really mean that, but _Agni_ that man was walking a very fine line). It wouldn't be until later that Zuko would, for the first time, wonder where Katara's alliance truly lied. It would only be much, much later that Zuko would realize that if he hadn't let their marriage fall into pieces, he would have had nothing to worry about. Much, much later, Zuko would realize that it was probably all his fault.

But first, Zuko had to be Zuko.

And nobody ever loses their tempter the way Zuko does.

---

Katara was hiding something from him, this much he knew. He didn't know how much she was hiding or how significant it was, but there was something that was even more off between them than usual. Her eyes weren't anymore distant, she didn't avoid his touch, but there was just something that was not right. Zuko didn't know how he knew, but he knew.

It had never occurred to him how much her hiding something from him would really affect him, but it did. He didn't doubt that she had things he didn't know about now, but he wasn't sure she had ever purposely kept something from him. Zuko knew he was being rash – he kept things from her all the time now – but he hated not knowing what was going on. She owed it to him to tell (he wasn't sure _why_ she owed it to him, but _damnit_, he wanted to know).

He was waiting in their chambers when she retired for the evening. His back was against the headboard of the bed and he had a scroll in his hand (some random one that had been laying on the floor of his study – he honestly had no idea what it said), making it seem as if he were actually preoccupied with something and not really watching her out of the corner of his eye. It took her a couple of moments to even notice he was there.

"Zuko," her breath hitched. "You scared me. I didn't expect you to be there."

A frown tugged at his lips. She hadn't noticed him there? Katara was usually very aware of her surroundings; it was hard to break a habit that had developed that comes from a time of war; he knew this because he was the same way. Her mind must have been preoccupied with something else.

"I finished my work for the night." A lie and not a very good one on top of that – Zuko never _not_ had something to do – but he didn't care enough to think of a better excuse. It was his room as well, and he had every damn right to be there.

She stared at him for a moment and he knew she could see through his pitiful excuse. "Well, good. You need a break from working too late." She forced a smile at him before turning towards the washing area.

"Katara." She froze

"Hm?" She didn't turn to face him. He sighed and he put the scroll down and stepped off of the bed.

"What was it that Arnook was talking to you about at the dock?"

There was a pause and she still wouldn't turn to face him. He wondered if she had even heard him, but she finally spoke before he could repeat himself. "Nothing important, Zuko. Don't worry about it."

His eyes narrowed. "Katara, what was it that he wanted you to consider?"

"I told you it's nothing you need to worry about." Her tone was hard.

"_Damnit_, why won't you just tell me?!"

She finally spun to face him, glaring. "Because you won't want to know."

"Obviously I do!"

"Oh no, you don't." Katara had somehow ended up right in front of him and was glaring up at him. "If I tell you, you're just going to go insane and not even listen to anything else I have to say. You don't want to know."

"I think I have a right to decide that!" He clenched his fist. His body was heating and it was taking all lot of concentration to keep his bending under control.

Her eyes met his and they stayed that way for a moment, her waiting from him to back down and drop the whole situation, which was like expecting Agni to airbend.

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you, and for Spirit's sake Zuko, _listen_ to the whole thing before you lose your mind." He glared and she must have taken that as an agreement, because she continued. "Arnook… Arnook…wants to claim me as his heir. It makes sense when you think about it, I guess. After Yue died, he had no heirs to take the throne, and dad is Chief of their sister tribe so Sokka and I are the only ones of, uh, _nobility_, I guess, between the Southern Tribes. He's only trying to do what he thinks is best for his Tribe…"

Zuko stared at the waterbender for a moment. "His heir? But how does he expect that to happen if you're and the North Pole is…" His eyes widened as the realization began to come to him.

Katara was no longer looking at him, but rather fiddling with the stone on her necklace, her eyes on the floor. "Arnook…he, uh, wants me to…"

"Leave the Fire Nation."

She flinched slightly. "I suppose that's one way to look at it."

He could feel the steam coming from is nostrils. "One way? What's the other way, Katara? Leave your people? Leave _me_?!" He stormed past her, towards the door. "That old man doesn't know what he just got himself into - "

He hadn't noticed her following him or grabbing his arm until she pulled him back. "Don't start, Zuko."

The Fire Lord spun to face her. "Start? You're telling me not to start? Katara, he's the one who is _asking you to leave_, and you you're telling _me_ not to start?!"

"Zuko, stop it."

"What is he expecting? That you just run off, leave everything behind, and marry some noble he picked out for you?!"

"He's only trying to do what he thinks is best for his Tribe, for our people!"

Zuko froze. "_Our_ people? Those are _his_ people, Katara, ours are here in the _Fire Nation_."

"Yes, but don't forget that I was a waterbender before I was Fire Lady."

He paused, his eyes trying to read on hers. "Katara, don't tell me that you're actually considering what Arnook is proposing."

"What? Of course not! I mean I did, but - "

"You did?!"

She was saying something but Zuko couldn't hear it.

Katara wanted to leave him.

And suddenly everything was red.

The next thing he knew, his fist was full of fire and slammed against the wall beside them. Beside her head. "Why don't you just go then? Return to your precious icebergs!"

She seemed intimidated for the slightest moment, so slight that Zuko wondered if he had just imagined it. Katara glared at, her voice full of so much fire that Agni himself would have been proud. "Maybe I will!"

He stared at her for what felt like the millionth time in the past hour, trying to figure out what she was really thinking. She didn't back down. "Fine! Go if you want to, I don't want you here anyway!" He didn't give her a chance to reply. He was out the door before she could even comprehend what he had said.

---

_Left. Right. Punch. _

Sweat trickled down from his head and dissolved into steam before it reached his brows. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew this was the wrong way to get his anger out, that meditation was probably better for his current state of mind, but he didn't really give a damn.

_Kick. Punch. Left._

Zuko had known the old man was dancing a very fine line, but not to such an extent. Arnook had crossed a line Zuko hadn't even known existed before today. Of all the insane things he had thought the old man meant when he spoke to Katara, he had never thought Arnook would (literally) propose something so…_insane_. To even suggest that the Fire Lady leave her Lord for another nation was a probable cause for war. The recent peace was the only thing keeping Zuko from sending an army to the Northern Water Tribe, and even that was up in the air at the moment.

_Jump. Right. Kick._

And then there was Katara.

_Kick. Punch. Right._

It completely boggled Zuko that she would not only keep something so important from him, but that she was also actually considering leaving the Fire Nation, who had just begun to overlook their prejudices for her, to return to a land that had barely acknowledged her bending because she was female a decade ago. He didn't understand how she could just abandon their marriage like that.

He froze mid way through a punch, because it suddenly all made sense.

What was holding Katara to the Fire Nation? The Fire Nation was not her home. Sure technically she lived there, but it would never be the same as the tribe she grew up in. The people, though they were warming up to her, did not trust her and probably never would – in their eyes she was an outsider who had snuck her way into their royalty. The only thing left was their marriage, but even that no longer held the same meaning it had once had – it had all but died over the years.

He wanted to hate her for thinking about leaving him, but he couldn't. He couldn't even blame her for it, because Zuko wasn't even sure he would stay if he was in her position.

---

It was late, the crescent moon was at its peak, by the time he snuck (_snuck_, like the coward he felt like) back into their chambers. He had fully expected Katara to be asleep, but it wouldn't have surprised him if she had gone off somewhere to bend, to release her frustration, the way he had. Agni, he wouldn't have even been surprised if she had packed a bag and taken off. What he didn't expect, however, was for her to be sitting on the edge of their bed, her feet dangling, her eyes staring off into space.

He took a step closer and her head snapped up to his direction. "Zuko…" Her voice was soft and he noticed the frown tugging at her lips.

He took a breath and swallowed his pride to apologize for the way he acted. "I don't really want you to leave." He blurted instead. Katara's eyes widened as did his and he quickly tried to cover up his spill. "But if you do, the Fire Nation – _I_ – will support you as Arnook's heir."

She stared at him for a moment before smiling softly. "It's not that I haven't thought about it before. It's so different here, Zuko. And while different isn't necessarily bad, I do miss my Tribe from time to time. When Arnook came to me, the idea of going back to a tribe – not even my tribe – and being in a more familiar land just seemed so nice, do you understand?"

He nodded. "I'll inform Arnook and the council of your decision."

"_Zuko_." She hissed. "Will you just let me finish?"

"But you just said - "

"I said that it seemed nice. I never said that I was going to do it."

"You're not?" (And Zuko wondered when he had become so damn inarticulate.) "But you said that you had considered it."

"It was a tempting offer, Zuko. I mean, logically it makes sense. Arnook has no heirs and Sokka is in line to be Chief of the Southern Tribe. Can you see why he would come to me, the only other heir from royalty in the Water Tribes?"

He did, but he would bend rocks before he actually admitted it, because though he understood why Katara would accept it, he was still pissed that Arnook had offered. "Then why aren't you going?"

For the second time, Katara smiled at him. "It's like I told you at the celebration, the Tribes may be my roots, but the Fire Nation is my home now. They are my people too and it's my duty to serve them. I would never abandon them." At some point she had moved from the bed to stand in front of him. "I'm not going anywhere, Zuko."

It was in that exact moment that something, everything changed; standing there, gazing back into Katara's soft eyes, Zuko could feel it stirring in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't love, but it was powerful. He had always known her to be strong, but even after his behavior (because let's face it, Zuko hadn't exactly been the world's best husband recently), and even after being given an out, Katara was going to stay in the Fire Nation, she was going to stay with him.

So never had he felt more respect for her than he did in that very moment.

"Good." And, for the first time in a very long time, a real smile brushed against his lips.

* * *

**Note: **I had this idea since I wrote _Surmount_, sometime ago, but I had a hard time incorporating the idea into this. This is going to be a four part story. I had a harder time with older Zuko and Katara with this fic, so I hope they sounded alright. Also, Arnook is not meant to be a villain, he is doing what HE feels is best for his tribe, which is why I didn't have Katara completely hating him. I hope that makes sense.

Review, please. =]


	2. Part Two

**Title**: Ever After  
**Summary**: Zuko and Katara's married years, because happily ever after is vastly over rated.  
**Coupling**: Zuko/Katara, obviously.  
**Genre**: Angst/Romance  
**Rating**: M/R  
**Warnings:** Language, character death, slight sexual content.  
**Disclaimer**: If I owned it, it would have been canon. The song belongs to Red.

* * *

_You always said we'd meet again  
You always said you'd be here  
You touch the deepest part of me  
The places I could not save  
Just tell me why I'm so dark inside_  
**Mystery of You - Red**

**---Part Two---**

Weeks passed and Zuko was slowly beginning to notice a change in his relationship with Katara. No longer did he avoid her during his days, in fact, he found himself being drawn closer to her. There was just something about being in the waterbender's presence that put some comfort in his otherwise stressful days. He even began to feel comfortable discussing the details of not only plans for the Fire Nation, but even the more petty details of his day. He had forgotten what it was like to have a friend who he could constantly talk to. It was almost like how their relationship had been after the war had ended…minus the underlying, hidden feelings he had had.

While he had been growing closer to Katara again, Zuko knew that their romance was far from alive. Being with her now, though it was no longer awkward, still wasn't the same as it had been all those years ago when their relationship was fresh and new. It was like being with a friend, a partner, not a lover. They were calm, peaceful; there was still no passion, no fire. It felt nothing like it had before.

A knock at his study's door interrupted his thoughts. "Fire Lord," a servant spoke from the other side of the door, "the package you've been awaiting has arrived."

He quickly opened the doors and the servant carried the box in.

Their wedding anniversary was looming around the corner. With the tension that had been between them before, their previous anniversary had been nothing more than an awkward dinner together, followed by an even more awkward night of them laying on opposite sides of the bed, trying not to think about what everyone expected they were doing at the moment.

"Do not mention this to anyone, especially the Fire Lady."

"Of course, Fire Lord." The servant bowed before leaving Zuko alone.

Between that and her promise to stay with him despite everything, he wanted to try to make things as best between them as possible Though their marriage was not as strong as it should be, he still felt as though he owed it to Katara to make up for the previous year. He knew it would not be the most exciting of anniversaries, but _Agni_, she would know that he was grateful for everything she had given up.

---

Zuko was a light sleeper, which was a good thing when one was constantly traveling and never knew when they would be attacked. When he was exhausted and desperately needed some sleep, on the other hand, it was just a pain in the ass.

He woke up a soft drumming of rain against the ground, which didn't make sense because it wasn't raining in his room. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness and glance around until he found the door in the back of the room wide open, which made even less sense because he couldn't even remember the last time he had seen those doors open. Sighing, he crawled (_crawling_, usually unacceptable for Fire Lords, but damnit, he was _tired_!) off the bed and towards the doors. It led to a pond, smaller than that where the turtleducks swam, which had been Zuko's gift to the female bender for her birthday one year.

He found Katara on a small ice patch that had formed in the center of the pond. The rainfall was gentle (enough so that it wouldn't have woken him had the door been closed), as it tapped against the ice and water. His head was saying that now that he knew where the sound had come from, he could just close the door and go back to bed, because he only had a couple of hours until the sun rose. His legs, on the other hand, would not move.

There was something about Katara in that exact moment that just seemed so different from the person he had spent the past year with. Her hair was dripping, her robe was clinging to her, but she was laughing and spinning in circles in the center of the pond, as if she were a small child. Her eyes were shining brighter than he had seen them in…_Agni_, he couldn't even remember the last time her eyes shined like that. And standing there, completely surrounded by her element, it was almost like she was that same girl he had traveled with all those years ago.

It was in that moment Zuko remembered how beautiful Katara really was.

"Zuko! You're awake?" Her laughter had stopped once she noticed the firebender watching her. She shifted on the ice slightly, suddenly seeming to be aware of her current appearance and hugged herself in an attempt to cover her soaked robes.

"You left the door open. The rain woke me up."

Her eyes widened slightly. "Sorry."

Any frustration he had felt before was gone. He shook his head. "It's fine." There was an awkward pause between them. "I'm, uh, going to go back to bed."

She nodded. "I will in a little."

"Okay." He almost opened his mouth but then realized he really had nothing else to say and closed it instead. Nodding back to her he turned around and walked back into the room.

He didn't close the doors, because for some reason he didn't know, he suddenly didn't mind the sound of the rain.

---

Katara made it a point to travel to the streets of the Fire Nation, shop in the markets, mingle among the people, at least once every other week. Zuko hadn't understood why she would do it, because at first there was hesitation with the villagers when she appeared. No Fire Lady had ever really left the royal grounds, much less travel to see her subjects – her duty was in her home, not with them. He had thought it to be pointless, because there were many who still believed that the end of the war was not the right decision and that outsiders did not belong in their streets, much less their royalty. But that never stopped Katara, who had been determined to be accepted by her new people.

At first, Zuko accompanied her in her trips, but as Iroh grew older and the time for him to take the throne approached, his work grew more and more demanding, and his trips with her slowly became less and less frequent until he stopped going all together. In fact, it had been a long while since the Fire Lord had actually had had a chance to visit with his people on a more common ground. But that year, on the day of the Summer Solstice, Katara insisted that he take a break from whatever he was busy with and celebrate with his people.

It was been awkward at first – paths would clear in front of them, conversations would stop, and people would stare. Katara noticed it too; her eyes would constantly shift between them and the villagers. On more than one occasion, she would walk to a booth or a store, but they would only be met with nervous stares and shaky answers. Was this what she was faced with week after week? It hadn't been like this when he had stopped accompanying her, had it? Zuko furred his brows, trying to remember. Had he just been too caught up in his own problems to notice how hesitant his people were around her? He didn't _think_ so, but then again, Zuko wasn't always the most observant when it came to other people…

"Lady Katara!" A child grinned as ran her way from a crowd of people towards them, only stop a foot or two before she could reach them. She stared up, a slight fear glimmering in her eyes. Zuko almost turned to see if the guards were the ones stopping her, before remembering that no guards had accompanied them. "F-Fire Lord." The girl bowed.

There was a slight giggling beside him and Katara knelt down to the child's height, beckoning her over. The girl glanced at Zuko once before running to the Fire Lady. Katara smiled and lifted the child up. "How are you today, Mika? Are you enjoying the Solstice?"

The child, who immediately forgot her previous fear, suddenly launched into a detailed explanation of how her family had celebrated the holiday thus far. And it suddenly dawned on the bender that the hesitation, the awkward looks were not there because of Katara, they were because the Fire Lord was among them.

It was Zuko that was setting them at unease, not Katara.

Later when they retired for the night, he asked her about it.

"They're…they're just not used to seeing you, Zuko." Her voice was gentle.

"But that wasn't the first time I've been."

"But it is the first time in a long time. It's not your fault. You're always busy with your work; they were just taken by surprise when they saw their Fire Lord, not _Prince_, walking among them." She explained.

"I see." And he really did, but he didn't like it. When had he grown so distant from his own people? How could he expect them to support his reign if he couldn't stand with them without making them feel awkward?

Katara seemed to be reading his thoughts. "It doesn't mean that they don't love and respect you, Zuko. You just took them by surprise."

He didn't want to take them by surprise. He had been forced to live as a peasant at one point in time as well, whether they knew it or not, he did know what their life was like. He wanted to be able to speak to his people without any hesitation, without the awkward looks. "I see." He said instead.

There was a pause and Zuko could feel Katara's eyes on him. "It doesn't have to be that way, Zuko. Let them get used to seeing you with them; visit them from time to time. It doesn't have to be every week, just whenever you have time."

He felt ridiculous asking, but he had to know. "Do you really think that will work?" He wasn't sure when their eyes met, but he couldn't keep the gaze long; it was like that morning after she had taken him from his study the last night he had been drinking.

"Of course." Her smile was soft, reassuring and, for the first time in years, Zuko could feel his heart skip the slightest of beats. She hadn't had that effect on him in…years, really.

"Thank you." His voice was soft and before he knew it, his lips had brushed against her cheek.

There was a soft hitch in her breath and he suddenly became aware of his actions. It was not an uncommon notion in the Fire Nation, especially now that the war was over, something _she_ had often done when they were in public or she was particularly proud of him. But it was the first time he had ever been the one to do it, and suddenly, he felt rather stupid. He opened his mouth to apologize when he noticed that her hand brushed against her cheek for a moment and she smiled at him.

"You're welcome." Her eyes shining at him for a moment, before she turned her back to sleep.

And he was very grateful that he had nothing else to say, because he wasn't sure he would have been able to.

---

It took all of Zuko's willpower to not yawn. Training the world's youngest Avatar? Piece of cake. Running from a psychotic sister bent on kill him? Not a problem. Meeting with the Fire National Council of Nobles to hear their complaints? He'd rather jump into the water at the Boiling Rock. It was only second to the massive amounts of paperwork on Zuko's list of least favorite parts of being Fire Lord.

"If there is no other business - "

"There is one final thing, Fire Lord. It pertains to a more…personal matter."

Zuko narrowed his eyes, though he knew the noblemen couldn't see his face behind the fire of the dais. He already didn't like where this was going. "Continue."

"We are a bit concerned about the lack of an heir to the throne."

And suddenly paperwork was looking _very_ appealing.

"With all due respect, Fire Lord, you have been married to Lady Katara for some time now, yet no heir has been produced. Traditionally speaking, one does not become Fire Lord without an heir."

"A tradition that had been based because we were at war. There is peace now and no threat to the throne." He thanked Agni that he didn't sound nearly as overwhelmed as he felt.

"With all due respect, Fire Lord, even after the peace, not everyone is fully convinced the war is over."

"Is it our allies or me that you doubt, nobleman?" He knew the nobleman immediately regretted his words.

"Fire Lord Zuko, please try to see things from the people's view point." Another nobleman explained. "There are many who fear that without an heir, the throne will descend to a member of the Water Tribe." Zuko snorted. The Water Tribes were having problems with their own heirs; they certainly didn't have enough to take control of the Fire Nation. "It would comfort many to know that heir with some royal blood would take the throne."

His eyes narrowed and the fire around him grew. He didn't miss the underlying message in the nobleman's words. _Some_ royal blood – an insult to Katara's heritage.

"Please consider what we are saying, Fire Lord."

Zuko glared, but nodded. "Very well." He knew from experience that if he didn't at least pretend to acknowledge the noblemen's ridiculous requests, there would be no end to it.

"Thank you, Fire Lord Zuko."

"Is there any other business?"

"No, my Lord."

"Then leave." It wasn't exactly the most traditional or formal closing to a meeting, but he didn't really give a damn at the moment.

"Of course, Fire Lord." The noblemen bowed and gathered their belongings.

The moment the last noble had slipped out and the doors had slammed shut, the flames around the dais died down and he buried his head in his hands, because he had _no_ idea how he was going fix this one.

---

It was in the dead of the night when Zuko awoke to find Katara missing. The full moon was at its peak, so he knew that sleep would not come to her. It was not the first time that she had wondered off in the middle of the night. It was, however, the first night where _he_ was unable find sleep. He drew his powers from the sun, so when it set, his energy did as well.

He stared up at the ceiling for nearly a quarter of a candle mark, before he finally sighed pulled the sheet off of him and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Pulling his hair into a top knot and putting his crown on, he slipped into his robe and out the doors, intending on going to his study to get some of his work done - might as well put his time to use. Somehow, instead, he found himself in front of the turtleduck pond.

Katara was bending some of the water from the pond into the shape of a family of turtleducks. The three baby ducklings followed the mother turtleduck around the pool, an occasional one falling out of line, only to be forced back in by what he assumed to be the father turtleduck, who lingered at the end of the line. Zuko wondered of the amount of concentration it took for her to not only create so many, but also to make them so realistic. When the water turtleducks began to bob their heads into the water in "search" of food, he chuckled.

The firebender must have startled her, because it seemed the moment the sound reached her ears, the turtleducks morphed into a whip of water pointed at his direction. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of him and she sighed before dropping the water back into the pool.

"Zuko, you scared me." She sat back on the ground in front of the pond.

_Obviously_. "Sorry." He said instead and walked closer to her. "Couldn't sleep?"

Katara shook her head. "The moon is full. What about you?"

"Same."

A slight smile tugged at her lips. "It wasn't me this time." He rolled his eyes and she turned her attention back to the pond.

His eyes watched as she resurrected her family of turtleducks, who continued their swim around the water. His lips tugged upward and opened his palm to reveal his own little fire turtleduck. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Katara smile, and a baby turtleduck swam away from the family and joined the little fire turtleduck on land, who began a game of tag.

Zuko and Katara sat silently, watching their little turtleducks play until the sun rose.

---

He woke early on the morning of their anniversary, when the sun was just beginning to peak, and escaped to his study where he spent nearly a candle mark staring at the package hidden in the corner. When he had found out about it, he had just gotten it, never once actually sparing a thought of _how_ exactly he was supposed to give it to her. Zuko didn't want to make a big deal out of it; he just wanted to thank her for putting up with him despite everything. Finally, when he knew it wouldn't be long until she got up, he simply settled with carrying the package into their chambers and put it atop the dressers, where he knew she couldn't miss it.

Katara would not have a chance to see him again until they met for dinner. She had agreed to visit Girls Royal Academy and then her weekly trip to the markets, and he always had more work that needed to be done. They had set aside a portion of the night to "celebrate," but both knew it was unreasonable to take off much longer for a day that wasn't really that important for either of them. Zuko wondered if they even set aside the small portion of the day for appearances sake, because for the past couple of years, it had been nothing more than awkward.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, Zuko took a deep breath before sitting at his desk and beginning to sort through the new scrolls that had made their way onto his desk. He hadn't made his way through his second one when the door swung open to reveal a grinning Katara. (One would think that by this point he would learn to stop assuming she would do what he hoped.)

"I take it you found it?"

"Where did you…_how_ did you find it? It looks like something Gran Gran would have had, maybe even older. I thought they had all been destroyed in the war!"

"It's just a dress; it didn't take much." He was lying. It had taken him forever to find it and had set him back on all his work. But it was completely worth it, because it wasn't just a dress and they both knew it. It was an authentic Southern Water Tribe dress that had belonged to the Chief's wife when the war began and had somehow found its way into a group of pirates' hands. It was only right that Katara have it.

Her eyes were twinkling and for some reason – no reason – he couldn't hold her gaze and looked back down at the scroll on his desk, but couldn't quite remember how to read at the moment. And then suddenly, Katara's arms were around him. It was awkward because he wasn't standing so she had to hug him through the back of his chair, but somehow, it didn't feel so uncomfortable.

"Thank you." Her voice was gentle. "Thank you so much, Zuko." Her lips brushed against his scarred cheek and (this time) he felt his breath hitch. And then, without another word, without even waiting for a reply, Katara slipped out the doors and out of his study.

And for some reason, Zuko had a very hard time concentrating on his work after that.

---

Even hours later, after Zuko and Katara had eaten their dinner and retired for the night, he still couldn't understand why he couldn't shake the feeling off. Every moment he was next to her, his mind was overwhelmed. So finally, in an attempt to clear his mind, he escaped out the back door of their room and to the pond that was supposed to be Katara's sanctuary. Taking a deep breath, he began to run through the most basic of his bending stances without the fire.

It wasn't the first time she had kissed his cheek – he had done the same to her not to long ago – and Agni knew they had had more intimate moments than that in the past, so why was it so different this time? They had just begun to trust each other again – for the first time in over a year, Zuko could talk to his wife without the conversation being forced – so what why couldn't he meet her eyes anymore? Why was it so hard for him to concentrate around her? Why was it suddenly a whole new kind of awkward around her? Agni, he felt like a love sick teenager.

_Love_?

Zuko stumbled over his own feet and landed on the ground.

Love. Suddenly everything made so much more sense. The last time he felt like this was when he was young and had been growing closer to Katara. Where he felt so comfortable yet so nervous around her at the same time, where suddenly she was the only person in the room, where suddenly his all he wanted was for her to know how much he cared. How much he wanted her to be happy.

"Zuko?" He jerked his head up to see Katara standing in the doorway between their room and the pond.

He all but jumped back up. "You're awake?" (And was it him or were they having a lot of conversations that started like that?)

"I woke up and you weren't there." She stared at him for a moment. "Are you okay?"

"I…" He paused and a smile brushed against his lips. _I think I'm falling in love with you again. _"I'm fine." And he really was. "Let's go back to bed."

Her brows furred and she yawned. He could tell she wanted to say something, but she just shook her head instead and turned back into the room. Zuko grinned and brushed any dirt that had gotten on him when he fell off, before following her. He was falling in love with him wife. It didn't sound as weird as he expected it to.

He took a deep breath as he walked into the room. "Katara I…" He trailed off when he saw her not only climb to the edge of her side of the bed, but with her back facing his side. And even though he should have expected it (because, honestly, she had been sleeping that way for a long time now), he still felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach.

She turned her head to see him. "What is it, Zuko?"

"N…nothing, Katara. Go to sleep." His voice was soft and he wasn't even sure if she heard him. He crawled into the side of his bed, took a deep breath and clamped his eyes shut.

He was falling in love with his wife, but she no longer loved him back.

---

It was awkward to be around Katara again after their anniversary. Every time he saw her, he was constantly reminded of their loveless marriage. He began to fall into the same routine he had once before; his hours grew longer, his mornings earlier, his nights later. He would take breakfast in his study, often work through lunch, and usually remain silent during dinner. He knew she wanted to know what was wrong, but he never gave her the chance to be around him long enough to find out. It wasn't until a week after, that she cornered him in his study.

"I know why you're avoiding me again." Her voice was hesitant, yet somehow assertive, strong.

The Fire Lord took a deep breath tried to calm his pounding heart. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

"Don't lie to me, Zuko. I know you've avoiding me and I know why." She met his eyes for a moment. He wasn't sure which one of them broke away first.

"Katara, I…" He didn't know how he could even begin to finish that sentence.

"You should have told me."

He wouldn't look at her. "I know."

"I deserve to know."

"I know."

"I shouldn't have had to find out from gossiping noblewomen."

"I – wait, what?" His head shot up. How would the nobles know he was avoiding her because he was falling in love with her again and knew she didn't feel the same? As far as they were concerned, Zuko and Katara had never fallen _out_ of love.

"Do you really think the noblemen are the only ones who are concerned with there not being an heir to the throne? Honestly, Zuko, where do you think they got the idea?"

Heir.

Suddenly Zuko knew exactly what she was talking about. It had been a while since he had discussed the matter with the noblemen, who he had never given a clear answer to. It was only a matter of time before they sent their wives after Katara with the same message. However, to be perfectly honest, it had completely slipped Zuko's mind after their anniversary.

"Right." He looked back down at the scroll he had been reading.

There was an awkward pause. "We…we have to do it."

Zuko's head shot back up and he stared at the woman before him, his eyes wide. "What?"

It was Katara's turn to avoid looking at him. Her eyes were downcast and she was fidgeting with the stone on her necklace. "We have to." Her voice was soft and Zuko almost had a hard time hearing it. "It's our duty to make sure there is an heir."

He paused. "I'm not going to force you to do this." He didn't want to force himself to do this, because if it happened, it wouldn't mean the same to her as it would to him. And he wasn't sure he could do that. Not now.

"It's not a matter of forcing, Zuko." Their eyes still would not meet each other. "It's a matter of what we have to do."

He nodded. "Okay." He knew she was right, but that didn't mean he liked it.

---

That night, Zuko left his study later than usual. He stood in front of the doors to their chambers, too frightened to actually open them. He knew what was supposed to happen if he walked in, and it wasn't that he didn't want it (_Agni_, he wanted it), but he wasn't sure that he could go through with it because Katara didn't want it. She didn't love him. It would be a completely different thing for him than it would be for her. She was only doing it because it was her duty to give him an heir. It would have been so much easier if it was the same on his half, if he had never realized that he loved her. Then maybe they could move on from the night and go back to their old lives. Spirits, why couldn't he love her after? He could deal with being in a loveless marriage then, but not now.

No, now he was just using her bad situation for his own benefit.

Zuko sighed and walked away from the door, completely disgusted with himself.

---

She found him later that night sitting in front of the turtleduck pond. He didn't have to look up to know it was her. She said nothing, but sat beside him. He wasn't sure how long they sat there in silence.

It was her that finally broke the silence. "Zu…Zuko." Her voice cracked.

His head snapped up and he finally turned to see the dried streaks of tears down her face. "You've been crying." She shut her eyes and didn't respond. Not out loud, at least. His fingers brushed against her cheeks and he felt her stiffen under his touch. He withdrew his hand. There were so many things he wanted to say to her in that moment; he wanted to pull her to him and promise her that he wouldn't make her do anything she didn't want to. That if she wanted to walk out and never look back, he wouldn't stop her. He wouldn't trap her here. She was free. "I'm sorry." He said instead. And he was. So very sorry.

She was silent and he wouldn't have been surprised if she left right then and there. "Zuko." Katara's voice was so soft he wasn't sure he heard it at first. "Why…why don't we leave for a bit?" She wasn't looking at him. "Go somewhere? Take a small vacation?"

"Is that what you want?"

There was the slightest hesitation as if she wasn't sure what she wanted. "It…it might make things easier."

It wouldn't change anything.

Zuko turned back to the pond. "Alright." He said.

Not for him, at least.

---

The future haunts with memories that I could never have  
But hope is just a stranger wondering how it got too bad  
I die each time you look away  
My heart, my life will never be the same  
This love will take my everything  
**Love Song Requiem - Trading Yesterday**

* * *

**Notes**: Let it be known that I HATE writing fluff. Zuko + Fluff = Death to me. That being said, this chapter (and what I have done of the next) were incredibly hard for me to write. So I'm sorry if the parts of the fic that are meant to be sweeter sound off. I'm trying, I really am, it's just fluff doesn't come to me nearly as easily as aangst. I think it might be because, in my head, Zuko is just such an aangsty character.

Anyways, this was originally much longer, but it was too long for one chapter (about 8k), so the other half will be one the first half of part three.

Review, please. =]


	3. Part Three

**Title**: Ever After  
**Summary**: Zuko and Katara's married years, because happily ever after is vastly over rated.  
**Coupling**: Zuko/Katara, obviously.  
**Genre**: Angst/Romance  
**Rating**: M/R  
**Warnings:** Language, character death, slight sexual content.  
**Disclaimer**: If I owned it, it would have been canon. The song belongs to Avril Lavigne.

* * *

_I wake up in the mornin'  
Put on my face  
The one that's gonna get me  
Through another day  
Doesn't really matter  
How I feel inside  
This life is like a game sometimes_

**---Part Three---**

Zuko didn't sleep the night they left for Ember Island.

They boarded the ship after the sun had set and most were beginning to retire for the night. He had used the excuse of work to post pone the trip as much as possible (which in reality wasn't that much of an excuse – he did have a lot he needed to get done). The trip took half the night, so by the time they arrived at the island, it was far too late to do anything but sleep. Putting off the inevitable had never been his way, and while it was killing his pride, Zuko couldn't help it. It wasn't until much after they had docked, when he opened the doors to their room, that he remembered why it had been so long since they had been to Ember Island.

_His hands fumbled with the clasps of her dress and her lips traced patterns onto his now bare chest. She giggled at his frustration and he glared; her hands held his and she guided him until the garment fell to the ground. She stepped out of it, standing before him in nothing but her wrappings._

It had been here, in this very room, where they had made love for the first time (love – passion, desire, _choice_ – not the sex they were being forced to have now), where he had taken her and promised her that no one would love her the way he did. That he would never stop loving him.

_She smiled up at him. "I know. I trust you, Zuko."_

Katara's voice was soft behind him. "I thought it would be easier here…"

_Her lips were gentle and tender against his. "I love you."_

Easy was definitely _not_ the word he would have used. "I see."

He could feel the tension as Katara slipped passed him and his heart pounded in his chest as she sat on the edge of the bed. Not now. He wasn't sure he could handle it now, not with these walls around them and these memories haunting him.

She didn't look up, but he had a feeling that, somehow, she knew. "Let's…let's get some rest tonight, Zuko. We'll have plenty of time later."

He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Okay."

---

Katara found him the following morning, in the middle of his morning practices. She was in a silk robe, her eyes were slightly glazed (he assumed she must have just awoken), and her hair was open behind her. At her request, no servants had accompanied them, so there was no need for her to be formal, not between the two of them. It was the first time in years that Zuko had seen his wife so simple in the open light. He immediately dropped his stance.

"Good morning." He wiped his head with a towel.

"Morning." Her smile was full and bright, and Zuko's heart skipped a beat (she hadn't had that effect on him in _years_, but suddenly it seemed to be happening constantly). "Do we have any plans for the day?" He didn't comment that she had specified the time, because they both knew what (theoretically) was planned for their night. He opened his mouth to explain that he had brought some work he should probably get to, but she spoke before he had the chance. "I was thinking we could explore the island." Katara's voice was light, happy.

Zuko planned to tell her that she was welcome to, but he had too much work that needed to get done. That he was already sacrificing enough time by simply being here and not back in his study working. Because, while all of that maybe true, in reality, he wasn't sure being around her right now would make things better, because he was falling harder and harder, which was only making him feel guiltier and guiltier. But there was this light in Katara's eyes, an excitement in her voice that, combined with seeing her so casual yet so beautiful, stopped him.

He mentally sighed. "Okay."

Once Katara had left, preparing for the trip ahead, Zuko let out a frustrated groan and fell back first onto the grass. He pulled at his hair and glared up at nothing in particular, wondering why Agni hated him so much.

---

_A moan escaped her as Zuko's lips found Katara's neck. She had already pulled his hair out of its top knot and her hands were unbuttoning the front of his robe. His hands slipped under her top and began to explore her body, her arms, her chest, her waist. He lifted her up, his hands supporting her hips and her legs wrapped around his waist, and he carried her into the room. She dropped from his arms once he kicked the door shut and he shrugged the now open robe off. _

"_I love you." He heard one (quite possibly both, he couldn't be sure) of them mumble through kisses as she undid the tie holding his pants up._

---

On their final night at Ember Island, Katara suggested that they go to see a play. Zuko was opposed to it at first (did she not remember the _last_ play they had gone to?), but agreed when she promised him that it was an original play, one that (theoretically) be butchered like the last one had been. They would have a late dinner at a small seafood (her favorite) place Katara had found earlier in their trip. After they would return and, well, Zuko decided he would only think about that when it came time…which was incredibly hard when Katara was still locked in the washroom getting ready, and he had nothing to do but think. It was just as he was about to ask what was taking her so long that she came through the door that connected to the washroom.

Half of her was pulled back into a top knot and the other half was open behind her shoulders. Her eyes were painted with a soft blue and her lips with a rose color. But what Zuko noticed most was that she was in an older silk blue dress with a white trim. The dress he had given her for their anniversary.

Katara tugged at a stray piece of hair. "It's too much, isn't it? I'll change, hold on a minute."

"No, don't." She froze. "I mean, you…you look nice." He was _not_ blushing, it just so happened to get very hot in that exact moment.

An embarrassed smile brushed across her lips. "Really?"

He turned his head, no longer able to keep eye contact, and nodded. "We should probably leave if we want to make it to the play on time."

"Right." He could practically feel her smile as she took his arm.

---

_Katara had once let it slip to Zuko that she loved Ember Island because of the beaches. She could enjoy being surrounded by the ocean without having to worry about freezing, like she would in the South Pole. Zuko was willing to bet that Ember Island had to be one of her favorite, if not her favorite, places in the Fire Nation. So a little over a year into their relationship, Zuko requested (requested – because no matter how overly supportive Iroh was, it was still Zuko's idea) a small break to take his girlfriend on a vacation._

_It was on their final night that the couple laid on the shore, resting from the swim they had just returned from. His arm was wrapped around her, pulling her closer to him, and her head was against his bare chest. He wasn't sure how long they laid there in silence, just content with being in each other's presence. In that moment, he had never been happier. _

"_I love you." She mumbled, curler even closer to him._

"_I love you too." He mumbled. And he had never meant it more than in that moment. "Will you do something for me?"_

"_Mhm…" Her voice was soft, distant, and he knew she was falling asleep. _

_His heart was pounding and probably woke her. She lifted her head and her eyes were gentle when they met his. And in that exact moment, Zuko knew that he couldn't imagine it any other way. "Marry me?"_

---

It was late and the moon was already at its peak by the time they returned. Their laughter over the overly dramatic play echoed down the hall, and only died once they entered their room. He mentally cursed himself, because he could feel the tension the moment he closed the door. He didn't know how long they both stood there, neither knowing how to break the awkwardness. It was finally Katara who moved first. He hadn't noticed it, his head was bowed and trying to avoid her gaze, until she was close and tilted his chin up just enough so that she was in his line of vision. Her smile was soft and reassuring, but her eyes were a reflection of his – tense, nervous, terrified. Her lips found his before he had a chance to back away.

_The final pieces of her wrappings abandoned, she crawled onto the bed. He followed her and balanced his weight so that he wouldn't crush her below him. His lips were gentle against hers, never pushing her further than she wanted. Agni, would she ever know how much he loved her? _

The kiss was tender, almost shy, at first, like it was their first kiss all over again. Her lips were soft against his, softer than he ever remembered them being. His heart was pounding against his chest as she led him away from the door and towards the bed. Katara was the first to pull away, her smile shy as she unbuttoned the back of her dress. It fell to the ground in a puddle and Katara stepped out if it, gently kicking it aside, and she stood before him, only in her wrappings. She kissed him again, her fingers fumbling to remove the outer layer of his robe. Without even thinking, his hands found their way to her waist, her hips, and he deepened the kiss.

_He pulled his lips from hers and his eyes met hers. Guilt flooded him as he saw the fear in her eyes and he immediately pulled himself from her. "Katara, if you don't want this, I'll stop. I won't make you." He wouldn't force her into something she didn't want._

Zuko's eyes snapped open, broke the kiss, and stumbled backwards. His breath was hard and he could feel Katara's confused eyes on him, but he wouldn't – _couldn't_ – meet her gaze.

"Zuko?" Her voice was gentle, concerned. It took all of his power not to laugh. He was the one taking advantage of their situation and _she_ was concerned about _him_?!

"I'm sorry." Sorry didn't even begin to cover it, but he couldn't find any other words at that exact moment. "We…_I_ can't."

He hadn't even noticed that she moved until she hit him. It wasn't the hardest hit he had ever gotten, but it startled him enough to make him stumble a step or two back. He stared at her, his eyes wide. In all the years he had known Katara, she had never gotten mad enough to hit him with her bare hands. She yelled, she threatened, she bent, but Katara did not _hit_. She just didn't.

"This isn't easy for me either." Tears were streaming down her cheeks and he wanted to wipe them away, but his body refused to move. "But _Spirits_, Zuko – at least I'm trying!"

His fist clenched. She didn't think he was trying? Agni, it was only trying that stopping him now. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I don't?! Then why don't you tell me, Zuko? Am I not pretty enough now? Does my dark skin disgust you now?"

"No!" How could she ever think she was not good enough?!

"Then why?!"

"Because I love you!" His breath hitched the moment the words escaped his lips.

"What?" Her voice was small, startled.

"I love you." He repeated, pleading to Agni that it would be enough for her to understand, because he wasn't sure he could muster the words to explain much more.

"Zuko, I…" Their eyes met, but, this time, it was Katara who looked away first.

And, with that, Zuko left.

And Katara didn't stop him.

---

_She stood before him, more bare and more beautiful than he had ever seen her. She seemed to suddenly become aware of her near nakedness and wrapped her arms around her front, as if she were embarrassed. A soft smile tugged at his lips and he took her hands and gently pulled them away. She looked up at him, her eyes almost begging for his approval._

_He kissed her palm and held it to his cheek. "You're beautiful."_

---

Somehow Zuko stumbled his way to the beach. It was a small area that was connected to the house, private from any other island dwellers. (It was strange, water was her element, not his, but lately nothing else seemed to have the same calming effect on him. He wondered if that had any reflection of the years he had spent with her beside him.) He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there when Katara found him, his eyes on the shore, but never really focusing on anything. She sat beside him, but he didn't turn to face her, because he wasn't sure he could stand to see the pity in her eyes.

"Did you mean it?"

His head snapped in her direction; her fingers toying with the stone of her necklace, but her eyes were set on the water. "Of course I did!" Did she really doubt him?

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her gentle blue eyes met his and he (wasn't sure why, but he) couldn't hold her gaze for long.

"You know why."

"No, I don't." Katara turned his face back to hers. "Why?" Zuko didn't pull his face back, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. He opened his mouth, but couldn't bring himself to speak. She didn't feel the same, he knew this, so why did she feel the need to torture him? She must have understood because she didn't wait for his response after that. "You have this bad habit of assuming things, Zuko." Her fingers brushed against his scarred cheek.

His eyes snapped back to hers. "But in the room, you…"

A smile tugged at her lips. "You surprised me. You had already turned me down and we were in the middle of fighting; _that_ was the last thing I expected you to say. And it had been so long since I have even thought about love, so it really surprised me."

There were so many thoughts running through Zuko's head in that moment, so many things he needed to ask her. But he was only able to muster up a "What?"

A soft laughter escaped Katara and he glared (in love with her or not, he did not appreciate her finding his confusion amusing). Before he could ask her what exactly was so funny, her lips met his and suddenly everything made sense and he responded eagerly. When she broke the kiss, her forehead was rested against his. "I love you." She breathed.

"I love you too." Agni, he loved her so much it hurt.

Her lips brushed against his once more, before she stood. Never once letting her go, Zuko followed her back inside.

---

_A moan escaped her as Zuko's lips found Katara's neck. She had already pulled his hair out of its top knot and her hands were unbuttoning the front of his robe. His hands slipped under her top and began to explore her body, her arms, her chest, her waist. He lifted her up, his hands supporting her hips and her legs wrapped around his waist, and he carried her into the room. She dropped from his arms once he kicked the door shut and he shrugged the now open robe off. _

"_I love you." He heard one (quite possibly both, he couldn't be sure) of them mumble through kisses as she undid the tie holding his pants up._

_His hands fumbled with the clasps of her dress and her lips traced patterns onto his now bare chest. She giggled at his frustration and he glared; her hands held his and she guided him until the garment fell to the ground. She stepped out of it, before him in nothing but her wrappings._

_She stood before him, more bare and more beautiful than he had ever seen her. She seemed to suddenly become aware of her near nakedness and wrapped her arms around her front, as if she were embarrassed. A soft smile tugged at his lips and he took her hands and gently pulled them away. She looked up at him, her eyes almost begging for his approval._

_He kissed her palm and held it to his cheek. "You're beautiful."_

_When the final pieces of her wrappings were abandoned, she crawled onto the bed. He followed her and balanced his weight so that he wouldn't crush her below him. His lips were gentle against hers, never pushing her further than she wanted._

_Agni, would she ever know how much he loved her? _

_He pulled his lips from hers and his eyes met hers. Guilt flooded him as he saw the fear in her eyes and he immediately pulled himself from her. "Katara, if you don't want this, I'll stop. I won't make you." He wouldn't force her into something she didn't want._

_She smiled up at him. "I know. I trust you, Zuko." Her lips were gentle and tender against his. "I love you."_

_And it was then that Zuko realized that she knew exactly how much he loved her, because she almost loved him just as much. "I love you too."_

---

The news of the pregnancy spread across the lands swiftly, and it quickly became the daily gossip among all people, Fire Nation or not. The child would be the first in generations to be born (at least openly) of two opposing elements. And celebrations spread throughout the Fire Nation because soon an heir to the throne would be secured. The first heir to be born in a time of peace.

But Zuko had his own reasons for celebrating, because for the first time in, well, longer than he'd like to admit, things in his life were starting to go right again. The council was finally (at least momentarily) satisfied with his private life, or, at the very least, had no reason to complain. His bi-weekly trips to the markets of the Fire Nation were finally allowing his people to be at rest with his presence. But most importantly, his relationship with Katara was the best it had been since they had just married, some days even better.

That wasn't to say they didn't have their off days, because they did. Zuko had thought that Katara's temper had been bad before, but he had been wrong, so very wrong. He was pretty sure the waterbender had enough fire in her to scare Agni himself. But even after their quarrels – usually ending with Zuko apologizing, because pride or not, he did have some survival instinct (the woman was just _terrifying_ sometimes) – he knew that at end of the night she would not go to bed upset with him. He wouldn't enter their chambers late at night, when he had finally completed enough work to rest for the night, to find her curled up at her edge of the bed. There were no awkward moments when their eyes met, no uncomfortable touches to avoid, because Zuko loved his wife and she loved him back.

Their relationship had taken a drastic turn for the better. Before their touches had been distant, almost mechanical; he would never go further than carrying her arm in his. And though they kept the same boundaries in public, their touches would linger longer, their eyes were always on each other (subtly, because they did have formality to keep up), their smiles fuller, brighter. Amongst their friends, the boundaries, though still there, were lower. Before she had often sat across the room from him, sandwiching their friends in between them, but now Katara was never far from him, always close enough for Zuko to reassure himself that she wouldn't run at his touch

Their renewed affection did not go unnoticed and became apparent that everyone else could tell the difference. It surprised Zuko at first, because he hadn't been aware that people could see lack of love in their marriage before. But when he really thought about it, it wasn't all that surprising. Despite all their attempts to hide it, real love (the longing gazes, the lingering touches, the inability to focus on anything – let alone any_one_ – else) was not something that could be faked so easily.

Yet, when it came right down to it, knowing that everyone had known didn't bother Zuko. At least not now when they all knew everything was completely different.

---

The hour was late when he retired that night, but he wasn't surprised to find Katara laying under the blankets of their bed, wide awake. It had become custom for her to wait for him; almost as if it were easier for her to sleep with his presence (Agni knew he wasn't sure he would be able to sleep without her there). She curled up against him and greeted him with a kiss once he had removed his outer robes and crawled (crawl – like the lovesick fool he was) into bed beside her.

"Hey." She said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

A frown brushed against his lips. "Are you okay?"

"Of course."

His eyes narrowed and he lifted her chin with a finger so that she faced him. "Katara."

She stared up at him for a slight moment before she sighed (and Zuko fought the urge to smirk because it wasn't often he was able to drag something out of Katara – it was usually the opposite way around). She opened her mouth once before shutting it again. She repeated this process once or twice more before she finally blurted, "Would you get married if something were to happen to me?"

"…_what_?"

"I know neither Ozai nor Iroh did, but that's because everyone was so focused on the war to care." Katara rambled and Zuko just stared. "They don't have a war to get distracted with now, Zuko. They'll want a Fire Lady, probably one of actual Fire Nation descent and there are plenty of eligible noblewomen." Where in the world was this even coming from? "I won't mind. You need to do it, Zuko."

Vaguely he remembered that she had a check up with the healers earlier and suddenly he was _very_ worried. "Katara. Katara!" He held either side of her face, stopping her babble in the process, so that she was looking at him. "What's wrong? What happened?"

His eyes bore into her, trying to find some answers, but she looked away. Her hands pulled at his, breaking his hold on her. "Nothing's wrong."

"Katara." He frowned, not liking this role switch they were suddenly having – _he_ was supposed to be the difficult one (Agni, was he this irritating when he tried to hide things from her?). His wife bit her lip, probably debating on whether or not to tell him. "Katara." He was practically pleading, but he didn't care, he had to know what was wrong. "Please tell me."

Her eyes met his for a moment before she sighed again. "I went to see the healers today. They said there…there's a slight chance I will have difficulties during the birth."

Zuko forgot how to breathe.

"Very slight, next to none!" Her eyes were wide and she was trying to comfort him. "It's nothing to worry about!"

"Nothing to worry about? Katara, you're asking me if I would marry again _if you die_ and you're telling me _it's nothing to worry about_?!"

She flinched. "I know."

"How…what…" He still didn't understand.

"Internal damage. I apparently had a lot of injuries that went unhealed during the war." This time Zuko flinched, because he had probably caused quite a few of those injuries. "Hey," this time Katara pulled his face up to see hers. "It really is a very slight chance, Zuko. Next to none. Nothing to worry about."

"Then why would you even ask me to marry again after you?!" His anger was probably unjustified, but _Agni_.

Katara almost looked ashamed. "I just want to know you'll be okay in case something does happen, as small of a chance as it is." The silent meaning lingered after her words. _I don't want you to be the way you were after Iroh died. I don't want you to be alone._ "Please Zuko, promise me."

There was a possibility of something happening to her and she was worried about what it would do to _him_. Sometimes the selflessness of Katara worried Zuko. "No." She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued before she had the chance. "I won't be okay if something happens to you, Katara, but having someone else there won't make it any better; it'll make it hurt more. I'll hate her, resent her, because she's not you. It won't be fair, but I'll do it." He could promise her anything, but not that.

"But the Fire Nation – "

"Loves you." Quite possibly more than him sometimes, it seemed. "They won't want a replacement, Katara, because that's all she'll be." Her brows furred and he could tell she still wasn't sure. "Would you marry again if something happened to me?"

"Of course not!"

"Then how can you expect me to." It wasn't a question.

There was a moment of silence and Katara smacked him playfully. "You're not supposed to be the one that makes sense." Zuko smirked and pulled her to him so that she was curled up against his chest. "I love you." She mumbled.

"I love you too." She would never understand how much he loved her. "Now can we get some rest?"

"Zuko?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

He just laughed.

---

It was one of the common traditions of both the Fire Nation and the Water Tribes that in the final months of pregnancy, family and close friends would travel to see the mother to be. It was an older tradition, one that had been lost in all the years of fighting because either conditions were not safe enough to travel or because eventually the four nations had grown so distant, there were very few who were friends with those outside their motherlands. Nevertheless, in the current time of peace, their friends and family began to journey into the Fire Nation during her final trimester.

First it was Toph and Aang, who were constantly traveling and were not as tied down to one location, thus able to arrive whenever they pleased. Next it was Suki and her and Sokka's children, a boy and a girl (Mako and Miko…or was it Miko and Maka?), both of whom already beginning to bend water, despite being born of non-benders. Sokka followed nearly two weeks later, his schedule a bit more demanding as he was preparing to become Chief in the next several months (the traditions, unlike in the Fire Nation, for passing the throne in the Southern Tribe did not require Hakoda to pass on first). Hakoda, Kana, and Pakku were the final ones to arrive, two weeks before Katara was due. The Earth King and other various people Zuko did not really know had arrived in between their friends.

Arnook, being the Chief of Katara's sister tribe, had been invited as well but had (wisely) declined.

---

The night it had happened was the same night the final members of Katara's family had arrived. The gathering called for a celebration, one _much_ smaller and less formal than that of the anniversary of Zuko's coronation, but a celebration nevertheless. Foods from all nations had been prepared and the only entertainment were friends who performed as a blessing for the baby to be born strong and healthy. In fact, it had been in the middle of a performance by the Kyoshi Warriors (led by Ty Lee, who had become captain after Suki married and moved to the South Pole) when it had happened. Katara, completely calm, had placed a hand on Zuko's arm, who was never apart from her at this stage, and pulled his attention away from the performance.

"My water broke."

And with just those three words, chaos had ensued.

Zuko, once he got over the initial shock, carried the very pregnant Katara (despite her protests that she could walk fine, he needed to do something so he didn't feel utterly useless) to the clinic quarters where the healers had already established. The moment he placed her down, he had been kicked out by a very urgent Kanna and Suki.

"Seriously Smokey, I'm pretty sure you're about to wear a whole into the ground." Zuko ignored Toph. The sun was already peaking and Katara was still locked in the room.

"She's right, Zuko. Maybe you should sit down." He could feel Aang's eyes following him.

"No." What could be taking so long? He had been to the South Pole both times Suki had given birth and it had never taken this long.

_There's a slight chance I will have difficulties during the birth._

He froze and his heart stopped. "No…" Suddenly it felt like the ground had slipped out from under him. His heart, his entire being, started pounding and his only concern was getting to Katara.

"Zuko?" He vaguely heard someone say, but he couldn't focus on whom.

Before he could reach the door, Aang jumped (flew, bent, whatever the fuck it was that he did) over him and blocked his path. Zuko's eyes narrowed. "Move, Aang." Avatar or not, he was _not_ getting in Zuko's way.

"Zuko, calm down." The airbender's words were only making things worse. "You have to give the healers time. You'll only distract them if you storm in there."

"No, you don't understand!" He clenched his fist. He didn't want to hit his friend.

"Understand what?" Someone behind him asked, their voice gentle, like Katara when she was trying to calm him down.

He had to get in there before it was too late. He had to see her. "She – " The door swung open and a very exhausted Kanna smiled up at them. "Katara?" He had to know if she was alright.

"Is fine, tired, but fine." Zuko let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. "Here, my boy."

It was only then that he noticed the little blue bundle that Kanna was holding. She approached him and gently placed it in his arms (the ones he didn't realize that he had folded so as to hold the baby easier). The only part of the baby's face that wasn't completely covered was the face, pink enough that, if Zuko didn't know any better, he would have sworn had spent too much time in the sun. Still, he could tell that the baby was shades darker than him, yet not nearly as tan as his mother. He was peacefully asleep and his eyes shut, but Zuko was willing to bet anything they would be as blue as Katara's. Zuko's breath hitched and he was sure that he had never seen anything more perfect.

"Fire Lord Zuko, I present you with your son, Prince Iroh."

His head snapped up and if he hadn't been painfully aware of the bundle in his arms, he might have dropped the baby. "What?"

The elder woman chuckled. "My granddaughter tells me that she had the name from the moment she knew she was carrying a boy…though I suspect she had decided long before that."

Her blue eyes (so much like Katara's) met with his for a moment before Zuko looked back down at the baby, at Iroh. His son. A smile tugged at his lips as the baby turned ever so slightly, his sleep never being broken – his son, he could get used to that.

"Zuko." Suki appeared at the door behind Kanna. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her clothes were ruffled, and she was sweating a little. A frown tugged at his lips when he noticed how swollen her eyes were and slightly reddened almost as if... "Katara's asking for you and Iroh."

Later he would feel horrible, but at that moment, he completely forgot about his friend's condition and walked past her to see his wife.

Katara was half sitting and half lying in the bed, a pillow between her and the bedpost. Her eyes were shut and her breathing was gentle. For a moment Zuko debated whether or not to speak, possibly waking her, but she had said she wanted to see him. A smile brushed against her lips before he could make a decision.

"Are you just going to stare at me? It's rather creepy."

He snorted, but sat on the edge of the bed so that he was beside her. The movement, however, was enough to wake baby Iroh, who immediately started crying. Zuko stared at the crying baby for a moment before trying to shush him (how exactly was he supposed to stop a crying baby?). Katara, who had opened her eyes and watched the scene for a moment, giggled before reaching over and taking their son, who Zuko readily gave to her.

"Shh…it's okay Iroh. Mommy's here, there's nothing to be afraid of. Shh…" She whispered, smiling down at the baby. Slowly, but surely enough, Iroh stopped crying, his wide eyes (blue as Katara's, just as he had thought) staring up at her. A tiny hand escaped the bundle he was wrapped in and reached up. Katara adjusted her hold, so that he was balanced on one arm, and held her other hand out to him. A gurgled laughter came from him as he gripped her one of her fingers. "That's my boy." She smiled back at him.

Zuko, suddenly wanting to be closer and a part of it, pulled his legs over the edge of the bed and gently moved closer to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him so that her head rested on his chest. Iroh, suddenly finding himself tired again, shut his eyes and drifted into sleep again, slowly releasing his hold on Katara's finger. The smile had yet to fade from her lips.

"He's so beautiful." She breathed.

"Of course he is, he's your son."

Finally breaking her gaze from the baby, Katara looked up at him. Her eyes were slightly clouded. "Our son, Zuko. Iroh is ours."

There were so many things Zuko wanted to say to her in that moment, but his mouth wouldn't cooperate. "You named him after Uncle?" He said at last. She blushed (Agni, he loved it when she did that) and nodded. His lips brushed hers and when he broke the kiss, his forehead rested against hers. His eyes were closed, because, _damn it_, he was not going to cry. "Thank you." He breathed.

He could feel her smile. "You don't have to thank me, Zuko. I wanted to do it." She brushed her lips against his again. "I love you, don't you ever forget that."

Zuko smiled, his eyes finally open, and nodded. "I love you too." Agni he loved her.

Content with his answer, Katara attempted to curl closer to him, only to stop once she realized how uncomfortable it would be for Iroh. Zuko, though just as unwilling to part with their son, reached to take him from Katara. "I'll put him in his cradle." She stared at him, her eyes wide and slightly panicked for a moment. "He'll be fine, Katara. But you need to rest." He could tell that she was weak.

She stared at him for a moment more before sighing. Looking down at baby Iroh, she brushed her lips against his forehead. "I love you so much." She whispered to him, before (hesitantly) handing him back to Zuko, who moved off the bed to place him in the cradle not two feet from them.

Katara's eyes seemed slightly pained at having to separate from her child for the time. Zuko smiled as he sat beside her again. "He'll be fine for the moment, don't worry." His fingers brushed against her hair.

"I know." She mumbled, curling up against his chest.

He kissed the top of her head. "You're going to be a wonderful mother, Katara."

She tightened her hold on him and was silent for a moment. "And you're going to be a perfect father, Zuko. You'll make your Uncle proud."

His breath hitched. "You think so?"

"Mhm…I know so." She paused for the slightest of seconds. "I will always love you, you know that?"

"I know." He really did. "And I'll always love you."

"Good." Katara murmured and he could tell she was drifting off to sleep.

He smiled and closed his eyes, knowing that nothing could ruin his happiness now. And for the first time in years, Zuko slept through the sunrise.

---

_I'm unprotected  
See how I've opened up  
You've made me trust  
Cause I've never felt like this before  
I'm naked around you  
_**Naked – Avril Lavigne **

**

* * *

**

**Note:** Let me start by saying that this is the fic that never ends. It's already at like 18k (I had originally planned for it to be 8-10k) and I still have more to add. I'm sorry if the fic is getting too long for some of you guys, because I certainly know that it's getting to be too long for me. I doubt I would have ever started this if I had known that it was going to end up this big. It's just knowing that I'm almost done and that you guys want to read the end that is keeping me from stopping. I'm sorry if the characters seem odd, but it's getting to the point where I'm having a hard time telling if Zuko would actually do these things or not. I had gone on a Harry Potter kick and now I'm in full blown XMen: The Movies mode now. That being said, Katara, Hermione, and Rogue are all blending into one character in my mind.

**Added note:**

**One) **This is the most minor of things. I am going to remove the part about producing an heir from my summary. After finishing everything, I feel like it wasn't as vital to the story as I had planned. I will simply leave it at "Zuko and Katara's married years, because happily ever after is vastly over-rated."

**Two) **I have completely lost desire to continue with Zutara, at least for a very long time. I may continue in a year or so, maybe when the movie comes out, but until then, my spark for Avatar is officially gone. This story will be completed, just don't expect anything else for a while. I will still write, just not for this fandom. If you ship Logan/Rogue (XMen) or Draco/Hermione (Harry Potter), expect somethings in the near future.

**Three)** I'm sorry if you wanted to see more of the actual pregnancy. I already whole a whole fic (_Surmount_, I actually got the idea for this fic while writing that one) about Katara being pregnant. It's long (8k) and I didn't want to write it all over again, because there would be no point. This story is not about the pregnancy. It's about the up and down relationship of Zuko and Katara after their marriage. Sorry.

Review, please. =]


	4. Part Four

**Title**: Ever After  
**Summary**: Zuko and Katara's married years, because happily ever after is vastly over rated.  
**Coupling**: Zuko/Katara, obviously.  
**Genre**: Angst/Romance  
**Rating**: M/R  
**Warnings:** Language, character death, slight sexual content.  
**Disclaimer**: If I owned it, it would have been canon. The songs belongs to Pink and Saving Abel.  
**Slight AU Note**: Iroh became Fire Lord before Zuko, because I do not believe Zuko was prepared to rule the nation when the war ended. Everything else is canon

* * *

_When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad  
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had  
I have heard myself cry never again  
Broken down in agony_  
**Sober – Pink**

---**Part Four**---

A bead of sweat trickled from his forehead, down his cheek, and lingered at his chin for the slightest of seconds before dropping. It didn't last long enough to land on his chest, dissolving from the heat that radiated from his body before it even had a chance. It wasn't safe, wasn't healthy; he was overdoing it, pushing it more than he should, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Zuko knew it, but Agni, he didn't really give a flying fuck. He'd never felt like this before, never wanted to hurt someone so much, never wanted to kill so much. He wasn't even sure who he wanted to kill, much less why, but he didn't question it at the moment. It was petty and barbaric, and as Fire Lord he should be above it, but didn't give a fuck. He had never been so angry before, so outraged, so…so _hurt_.

She had known it was going to happen. She had known that she wouldn't be there with him after, and she hadn't told him. Had decided to keep it a secret, so when he awoke and found her without a pulse, it would break him more than he could have ever imagined. A part of him was fighting it with everything he had – Katara would never do that. Would never hide something so crucial, so important, so incomprehensible from him. Not when she had to know how much it would kill him, too.

_Would you get married if something were to happen to me?_

_I just want to know you'll be okay in case something does happen._

_They said there's a slight chance I will have difficulties during the birth._

Katara had known that she was going to die, and hadn't uttered a word to him. A bigger part of him knew the truth, it that it was too obvious to believe otherwise. Too foolish for him to not acknowledge that she had lied to him, betrayed him, hurt him in a way that he had never imagined.

The other part of him was arguing that she was Katara and she would never do anything without thinking about how it would affect others first. She had probably been stupid and selfless, thinking that it was her burden to bare, not his. But she had to know how it would affect him in the end, going to sleep one moment and waking to find his wife not breathing the next. How it would kill him too. Because that's what he was now, angry and dead, without her and without a purpose.

Vaguely, he felt his legs give out from underneath him and he collapsed to the ground in a heap. His eyes burned with tears he hadn't dared to shed and he slammed his fist against the floor, cracking it.

_I love you, don't you ever forget that._

"I hate you." Zuko cursed up to the heavens, his voice stronger than he felt. "You hear me, Katara?! I HATE YOU." He clamped his eyes shut, because, _damn it_, he was not going to cry. Not for her. Not when she had hurt him so. "I hate you so much."

_I will always love you._

He didn't know how he could be so numb, yet so painfully aware of pounding of his heart. "Damn you, Katara." _I hate you_. "Damn you, damn you, damn you!" Flames erupted around him, dancing against his skin, threatening to burn him, but he didn't care.

When the fire died down, the tears finally fell from his eyes. Zuko didn't fight them.

_I love you so much that it hurts, Katara._

---

His sense of time was completely gone. Zuko had no idea how long he had been in his training room – minutes? hours? it felt like days – but he was exhausted by the time he left, and everything seemed like a dream, a nightmare. Too real to be true. Yet, at the same time, he was painfully awake and aware of all that had happened. Too real to not be true.

His feet mindlessly wondered the palace. He had no idea where he was going, but did know where he wasn't going. He couldn't return to their – _his_, he corrected, it was just his now – chambers, he wasn't ready for that. Not now. Nor could he face his friends and her family, couldn't bear to see the pity, the sorrow, in their eyes. They didn't need to remind him that his wife was gone. So he let his feet lead him, almost wishing he didn't know the palace so well so he could get lost in it all.

That was how he found himself standing in front of the mahogany doors. His fingers idly traced the flower patterns etched into the wood, and the softest of smiles tugged at his lips before he opened the doors. It was his mother's study, where he dimly remembered playing as a child on rainy days. The room hadn't changed in the slightest since then, Zuko had made sure of it the moment he had stumbled upon it almost a year after the war. He had been so overwhelmed, so surprised that Ozai hadn't replaced its use (but he supposed somewhere in the back of his mind, Zuko acknowledged that his father had loved his mother, at least at some point). And Uncle had been more willingly to leave it for Zuko.

He perched himself on the chair behind her desk and sank softly into it. He didn't come to the room often, actually he couldn't remember the last time he had. It wasn't that he didn't want to acknowledge it; it just made the moments when he did mean all the more. Amber eyes scanned the scrolls that were neatly piled on the top of the desk, slightly dusty, old records, history tales, and (he couldn't help but smile a little more) several children's stories, the ones his mother had read to him growing up. His fingers brushing against the paper of one.

_You're going to be a wonderful mother, Katara._

That was how it was supposed to be. Katara was supposed to love Iroh, take care of him, because Zuko didn't know how. She was supposed to be the loving, nurturing one, the one their son would always favor. Iroh was supposed to grow up with memories of hearing stories in Katara's study, memories they would talk about when he got older, because, _damn it_, it was supposed to be _different_ for Iroh. He was supposed to have the life that Zuko and Katara never had with their mothers, because _she was supposed to be there for him_!

Instead, Iroh would be damned to a fate far worse than either of his parents. He would never know the warmth of a mother's hugs, the safety of her presence. He would never know the greatest love he could ever have. Iroh would never know his mother.

Zuko buried his head in hands, no longer finding comfort in the room.

It was like that she found him. "Zuko!" She sighed, almost as if in relief. "Everyone is looking for you. We were all worried…" She trailed off.

He wiped his tears as discreetly as he could and glared at Suki. "I didn't go and jump off a cliff or something stupid like that." Part of him wished he had. "I just needed to be alone." He said, hoping she would take the hint.

"Oh." There was an awkward moment and Zuko was just about to inform her that now that she knew, she was more than welcome to go and leave him the fuck alone, when she spoke again. "I have something for you." He continued to glare at her, waiting. "I left it in your chambers."

"I'll get it when I go there then." Zuko turned the chair around so his back was facing her, all but kicking her out of the room.

So it startled him when she spoke again. "It's a letter from Katara." He spun the chair to face her. "She asked me to make sure you got it after…"

_Suki appeared at the door behind Kanna. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her clothes were ruffled, and she was sweating a little. A frown tugged at his lips when he noticed how swollen her eyes were and slightly reddened almost as if..._

Almost as if she had been crying.

"You knew?!" The chair fell back from his sudden jump, but Zuko paid little attention to it and glared at Suki instead. "You knew the whole time?!" He clenched his fists, trying to convince himself that it was _not_ a good idea to hit his friend.

She didn't flinch or break the gaze. "Not the whole time, but yes, I knew." Later he would acknowledge the shamed look on her face and that she was sorry for her actions. But in that moment, Zuko just saw red.

He didn't remember grabbing the scroll, much less throwing it. Suki barely had time to duck, before it missed her and slammed against the wall, leaving a dent. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?! You should have told me!"

Her eyes narrowed at the scroll he was gripping. "Katara asked me not to."

"You still should have told me! I could have - "

"You couldn't have done anything!" Her voice cracked, and, for the first time, Zuko realized how fragile Suki looked. Her bun was doing nothing for holding her hair back, her skin was paler, and her eyes were swollen and red. It was then that he remembered that Katara had meant something to Suki too; she had been her best friend. "She was surrounded by healers, some of the best in the world, Zuko. They did everything they possibly could, but there was nothing that could be done."

There was a silence that followed and he could hear his heart pounding in his chest. "You still should have told me."

Suki glared at him like there was _something_ she would _very much_ like to tell him, and, in that moment, she reminded him so much of Katara, he couldn't bear to look at her. "You…" She took a deep breath. "The letter's beside your bed, when you're ready to read it." He heard her footsteps as she left the room.

Zuko bowed his head and clenched his fists as tears streamed down his cheeks.

---

There was a crying coming from his chambers when he finally entered. He mentally cursed, feeling like the world's worst father. He lifted the crying prince out of his cradle and rested him so that so that his head was at Zuko's shoulder and began to pace across the room, as he had once seen Sokka do with one of his children.

"Shh…it's okay." Zuko tried to sooth the baby. "Don't cry, I'm here now." He adjusted his hold on Iroh, so that he was cradled in Zuko's arms, but it was obviously not his presence that Iroh wanted, and he only cried harder.

It took Zuko half of a candle mark, three checks to see if his wrappings needed to be changed, and two attempted feedings before Iroh finally calmed his crying. He did not sleep, however, but simply gazed up at Zuko, his blue eyes (Katara's eyes) silently begging him. And in that moment, Zuko had never hated Katara so much.

"I know, I want her too." Her whispered, his fingers tracing the bit of black locks that peaked out from his bundle. "But I'm here now, Iroh. I'll take care of you. I promise." Zuko leaned over and kissed the boy on the head. A gurgled laughter escaped the baby and he finally smiled up at his father, seeming to understand what he had been trying to tell him.

It was only moments after that Iroh yawned in a high pitch, before drifting into sleep. Gently, he placed the prince back into the cradle. Zuko stared at him, amazed at how quickly he could change his mind, a smile brushed against his lips. He truly was Zuko's son.

_And you're going to be a perfect father, Zuko._

He found the scroll resting on the stand beside his bed, just as Suki said it would be. His fingers brushed against the paper, wanting to (but not yet daring) to pick the scroll up. For a moment he considered taking it somewhere else, somewhere less intimate, but one glance at the baby sleeping in the cradle quickly silenced that idea. He was a father now, he had a responsibility. There would be no more random wondering off for him. His mind made, he sat on the bed, his back against the headboard, and took a deep breath before picking the scroll up.

_Zuko,_

_First and foremost, I love you so very much. I know you have told me countless times that you love me too; I hope once you know everything you will still feel that way and will forgive me. _

_I lied to you and I'm sorry. Do you remember that night, all those months ago, when I told you the healers said there was a slight chance that there would be complications during the birth? When I promised you that it was nothing more than slight? I lied, Zuko and I'm sorry. They told me that because of the internal injuries I had from the war – do not even think about blaming yourself _(Zuko half flinched, half smiled at how well she knew him)_ – there was a good chance that I would not survive if the baby did. They could operate so that I would live, but our child wouldn't, and I would be unable to having any more children. To give you an heir._

_You love your nation, Zuko, I know you do. Yet you fought them when they challenged me as your wife, you were willing to give it all up for me. But if I couldn't give you an heir, the nobles would turn on you, you would lose your support. I couldn't ask you to do that for me, not again. I know you would, but I don't want you to. I know how much you love the Fire Nation. You are a wonderful ruler, and I would hate myself if you lost that because of me. So I chose our child, over myself and I know I made the right choice._

_I know you're upset with me for not telling you sooner, but I was selfish, Zuko, and I'm sorry. I wanted to spend the remainder of my life with you, living each day as if it were a normal. Everything would have been different if you knew; you would have spent your time trying to fight it and it would have been a lost cause. I would have lost my last real moments with you, and I couldn't bear that. I was selfish and I'm sorry. _

_You told me that if you were to have another wife, you would resent her for not being me. Please do not resent Iroh. It was my decision and my decision alone. Take care of him, Zuko. I know you will be a wonderful father, and I know that he will make you proud. He is ours – yours and mine – and I will always be there if he is. Love him enough for the both of us. I know you won't let me down. _

_I hope you will forgive me. I love you Zuko, and I love Iroh. I don't regret anything. _

_Love always,_

_Katara_

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, how many times he read and reread the letter, hoping each time it would get easier. It didn't. Yet, somehow, it did. Everything Katara did, every moment they had shared in the past nine months was suddenly different, suddenly meant so much more. He could almost see how much more love was in her eyes, the closer the days got.

Iroh's cries broke his thoughts and Zuko was at the cradle before he knew it. It only seemed that the baby had wanted his attention, however, because the moment he held him, Iroh's cries died and he settled down. The Fire Lord couldn't help but roll his eyes, a soft smile spreading across his lips.

"Spoiled little brat, aren't you?"

Iroh gurgled another laughter and almost seemed to take pride in it. Before Zuko could even think, a tiny little hand crept out of the bundle and reached up until Zuko lowered his face so that the baby could touch him. He patted Zuko's cheek twice and when he withdrew his hand, it was wet. Zuko blinked. Was he crying? He hadn't noticed.

Zuko had always known there was a chance that he would have to choose between the Nation he ruled and the woman he loved. But he had shoved it to the back of his mind, saying that he would deal with it _if_ it ever came. He had never realized how aware Katara had been of it, much less how ready she had been to make the decision he would never be able to. Zuko had never imagined that anyone could love another as much as he loved Katara, but now he knew that wasn't true. Never had he imagined that she could love him as much, but he was wrong. She loved him more than he had ever thought possible. Katara had given her life for him, for his heir, for his nation.

_No,_ he corrected himself, smiling down at his sleeping son, _**our**__ nation._

_I love you, don't you ever forget that._

He could almost feel her with him. "I won't, Katara, I promise. Never again." He wiped the tears that had fallen from his cheeks onto Iroh, and kissed his forehead. "I love you."

_I will always love you._

---

_You show me what it means to live  
You give me hope when I was hopeless  
As my days fade to night  
I remember that state of mind_  
**18 Days – Saving Abel**

**---Epilogue---**

Zuko had just signed the bottom of a document and rolled the scroll back up, when the knock came to his door. "Enter." He put paper in pile on the top left corner of his desk.

A guard entered followed by young boy. His dark hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, he was dressed in red robes, and his arms were crossed over his chest. He kicked the dirt that didn't exist and his blue eyes glared at the floor, not yet looking up. "Your son, Fire Lord." The guard said.

"Prince Iroh." Zuko's voice was slightly hard.

Iroh's eyes widened as if he had suddenly remembered something important. He scrambled to stand straight and his eyes locked with his father's before he put a fist to an open palm and bowed. "Good afternoon, Father."

Zuko nodded. "Good afternoon."

_I know that he will make you proud._

He smiled and motioned for the boy to come closer, formalities dropping once the guard had left. Iroh did so, dragging a chair behind him. Zuko waited until he was seated before continuing. "Your instructor tells me you started a fight with another student." He didn't bother to ask if he was alright. Iroh had shown signs of being a prodigy from an early age (something he had probably inherited from his mother, although Zuko would never admit it out loud), so that combined with his temper (something he had definitely inherited from his father), Zuko assumed that it was the other child who he needed to worry about being alright.

Iroh crossed his arms over his chest again and glared at his feet. "He deserved it."

Zuko fought the urge to smile at how much the boy must have resembled him in that moment. "You know that is no excuse. As Prince you have to be an example - "

"He said Mom was a peasant!"

_He is ours – yours and mine. _

Memories of when he first met Katara ran through his mind. Zuko couldn't help it, he laughed. It was loud and completely undignified for a Fire Lord to do, but he did it anyway.

Iroh's eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly. "Dad?"

It died down to a chuckle. "You know, I used to call her that when we were younger."

Iroh stared at him as if he had just told his son he secretly wanted to be an Earthbender. "…what?!"

_I suppose it's time to tell him, Katara._ He could almost feel her smiling at him. "I never told you how your Mom and I met, did I?" Iroh shook his head, still slightly shocked. "You've learned about the war in you history class? We met one hundred years after it started, the day the Avatar, Aang, came back. At the start, we didn't like each other very much. In fact, we weren't on the same side…" And so Zuko began the story that had started it all.

_I will always be there if he is._

**Ever After.**

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**Note:** I can't believe this is over. I've been working on several version of this story since December, and now it's finally done. It's relieving, but almost depressing at the same time. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself now, lol.

I'm sorry if you didn't like this ending, but it was the whole reason for this story being written. I couldn't just not write it. Ever since I first started writing fanfiction, over eight years ago, I have wanted to do something that touches someone, that sticks with them. There are a handful of stories that have stuck with my over the years, because they effected me and my writing so much. I wanted to see if I could do something like that. I think I might have gotten close with _Condition of Love_, but I'm not sure I got there (probably because it was written about Kataang, which I do not ship). That being said, I felt like Katara's note wasn't as great as it could have been, but I hate writing in anyone but Zuko's point of view and I absolutely despise first person, so that was incredibly hard for me to do. At the end, Iroh was about eight in my head, so I was trying to imagine an older, wiser Zuko. I tried to aim for him to be a bit like Uncle Iroh, but still holding onto Zuko, so I hope I was successful.

For a couple of moments, I thought about writing this story in Katara's point of view as well, but I'm not comfortable enough to write her. I tried to draw a couple of scenes too, but that was just a major failure, lol. (But I'd be overjoyed if someone else could/would.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this and Happy Fourth of July to all my American readers!

**Update 7/17/09 - MoonlightSpirit has written a companion to this called _Stories of the Past _in which Zuko tells Iroh about how he and Katara met.**

**Update 11/4/09 - I am offering a free Zutara oneshot to anyone who will make me a Zutara fanart from Ever After, Where We Belong, or Surmount.  
**

I want to give a special shout out to my friends **Topaz **and **Muffintine**. They've helped me along this whole fic, and Ever After would not be what it is without their imput. They helped me from everything to brainstorming idea to picking out songs lyrics to making sure everyone was IC. You guys seriously rock. I love you.

Review, please. =]


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